Goodnight and Good Luck

Well folks, I think our time here is finished. Perhaps I've ranted on about all I've had to rant about. Or maybe it's time for me to try new things. Two years is a long time. I suspect I'll be back at this at some point, perhaps when I have more to say. Until then...

Thank you all for stopping by and reading once in a while. It's been a pleasure.

Adios.

Hillary Is Not Good Enough

I was interested to read this column from Molly Ivins titled "Not. Backing. Hillary." In it, Molly outlines why she is done with Democratic candidates who try to pass themselves off as "Republican-lite" (like Sen. Clinton) rather then standing up and genuinely reflecting the views of a majority of Americans. Check out this snippet:

The recent death of Gene McCarthy reminded me of a lesson I spent a long, long time unlearning, so now I have to re-learn it. It's about political courage and heroes, and when a country is desperate for leadership. There are times when regular politics will not do, and this is one of those times. There are times a country is so tired of bull that only the truth can provide relief.

If no one in conventional-wisdom politics has the courage to speak up and say what needs to be said, then you go out and find some obscure junior senator from Minnesota with the guts to do it. In 1968, Gene McCarthy was the little boy who said out loud, "Look, the emperor isn't wearing any clothes." Bobby Kennedy -- rough, tough Bobby Kennedy -- didn't do it. Just this quiet man trained by Benedictines who liked to quote poetry.

What kind of courage does it take, for mercy's sake? The majority of the American people (55 percent) think the war in Iraq is a mistake and that we should get out. The majority (65 percent) of the American people want single-payer health care and are willing to pay more taxes to get it. The majority (86 percent) of the American people favor raising the minimum wage. The majority of the American people (60 percent) favor repealing Bush's tax cuts, or at least those that go only to the rich. The majority (66 percent) wants to reduce the deficit not by cutting domestic spending, but by reducing Pentagon spending or raising taxes.

The majority (77 percent) thinks we should do "whatever it takes" to protect the environment. The majority (87 percent) thinks big oil companies are gouging consumers and would support a windfall profits tax. That is the center, you fools. WHO ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

I listen to people like Rahm Emanuel superciliously explaining elementary politics to us clueless naifs outside the Beltway ("First, you have to win elections.") Can't you even read the damn polls?

Here's a prize example by someone named Barry Casselman, who writes, "There is an invisible civil war in the Democratic Party, and it is between those who are attempting to satisfy the defeatist and pacifist left base of the party and those who are attempting to prepare the party for successful elections in 2006 and 2008."

This supposedly pits Howard Dean, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, emboldened by "a string of bad news from the Middle East ... into calling for premature retreat from Iraq," versus those pragmatic folk like Steny Hoyer, Rahm Emmanuel, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Joe Lieberman.

Oh come on, people -- get a grip on the concept of leadership. Look at this war -- from the lies that led us into it, to the lies they continue to dump on us daily.

You sit there in Washington so frightened of the big, bad Republican machine you have no idea what people are thinking. I'm telling you right now, Tom DeLay is going to lose in his district. If Democrats in Washington haven't got enough sense to OWN the issue of political reform, I give up on them entirely.

I can understand completely Molly's frustration here. I've followed Sen. Clinton's recent news with a lot of dismay. While there is some debate about whether she is shifting right or was always a very moderate democrat, I have to ask is this is the person we're supposed to be wildly happy with in 2008? Besides the shifting to the right, there was her recent "plantation" comment, which while I agree may be correct, looked like such blatant pandering as to be sickening.

Hell, compare Hillary with Senator McCain (her most likely opponent in 2008) and even I think she comes off looking horrible. Check out here and here for examples of me giving props to McCain. In the two years I've been writing here I've praised Hillary zero times.

Does that make me a lousy democrat? I don't think so, I just think it makes her a lousy candidate. While she certainly has a lot of recognition, I think the DNC can do a lot better.

Born On The Fourth Of July, 2006

Ron Kovic, the partially paralyzed Vietnam veteran whose life inspired "Born on the Fourth of July" has written a deeply moving and personal account of what it is like being a wounded soldier called "The Forgotten Wounded of Iraq".

There is also this photo essay of Ron today.

Ron concludes the essay with this:

As this the 38th anniversary of my wounding in Vietnam approaches, in many ways I feel my injury in that war has been a blessing in disguise. I have been given the opportunity to move through that dark night of the soul to a new shore, to gain an understanding, a knowledge, an entirely different vision. I now believe that I have suffered for a reason and in many ways I have found that reason in my commitment to peace and nonviolence. We who have witnessed the obscenity of war and experienced its horror and terrible consequences have an obligation to rise above our pain and suffering and turn the tragedy of our lives into a triumph. I have come to believe that there is nothing in the lives of human beings more terrifying than war and nothing more important than for those of us who have experienced it to share its awful truth.

We must break this cycle of violence and begin to move in a different direction; war is not the answer, violence is not the solution. A more peaceful world is possible.

I am the living death
The memorial day on wheels
I am your yankee doodle dandy
Your John Wayne come home
Your Fourth of July firecracker
Exploding in the grave

As my wife would say, "Why can't we just get along? Peace, love and understanding". On the surface, this seems a somewhat naive question. After all, since the dawn of time human beings have always fought with each other. Over land, over food, over women, over religion, over politics. The laundry list goes on and on. But I think my wife and Ron are asking a deeper question of us, can we move beyond violence? As a species, we are hundreds of thousands of years old. Can we get pass killing and maiming each other?

I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that at some point in the future, while not entirely violence-free, we'll have moved beyond war and mass genocide.

As of today, 2,222 Americans have been killed and 16,420 have been wounded in Iraq.

More Moments Of Peace

I was driving to work this morning and as per my usual routine, I was listening to NPR. This story came on the air.

Celebrating a Sister's Memory, on Tape

Seven years ago, a young woman named Kendra Webdale was killed when a mentally ill man pushed her in front of an oncoming New York City subway train. She died on Jan. 3, 1999.

The case is still in the news, still in the courts, and still very much on the minds of family members. Webdale's sister, Kim Emerson, visited one of the StoryCorps recording booths with a friend to recall her sister -- and a cherished reminder of her life.

The Webdale case led to the creation of a new law in New York State -- called Kendra's Law -- meant to ensure that mentally ill people take the medication they need.

The StoryCorps project records interviews between loved ones and friends from around the country. Each interview is archived at the Library of Congress -- and an excerpt airs on Morning Edition each Friday.

You can listen to Kim Emerson remembering her sister's death by going to the above link and clicking on the Listen button.

Kim found out about her sister's death when a journalist called her apartment. She was screening her calls so the reporter left a message asking her if she was the sister of the woman killed on the subway that morning. What a horrible way to find out that you've lost a loved one.

One part of Kim's story really stuck with me. I've tried to transcribe it as best I can from the audio:

The worst part about the whole day was knowing that I had to tell my family.

And I remember standing by my bed and thinking to myself "Right now they don't know...

Like right now, life is good.

And I'm going to tell them something so horrible that is going to change their life.

And I don't want to do it."

And I just remember waiting, just minutes.

Knowing I had to.

But waiting a few minutes just to give them more moments of peace...

Just two weeks ago my Mother called me to inform me that my Aunt (and Godmother) had passed away. My Aunt had been fighting Ovarian cancer for a couple of years now and I had known she was taking a turn for the worst. Her death was not unexpected on my part. For the past six months her health had been a frequent topic of conversation for my Mother and me.

But my Mom called me on a Monday, even though my Aunt had died over the weekend. She said something about wanting to wait to give me the bad news. I suspect my Mother would very much identify with what Kim Emerson was talking about. She waited to give me a few more moments of peace.

Unfortunately, this is the fourth family member that I've lost. My Grandfather (My Mom's Dad) died in 1989, my Father died in 1990 and my Sister in 1991. In each case my Mother was the one who broke the news to me.

You'd think at this point I'd be somewhat used to dealing with death. Somehow inured to the hurt. But it never gets any easier to listen to your Mother cry.

It's hard if they pass from a long illness or if they die suddenly. It hurts because you know you will never talk to them again, never give them a hug, never have to listen to them lecture you, never again be able to share good news. It hurts to have them removed from your life.

We go through the rituals. We commemorate them as best we can. Yes, the pain does lessen with time. But the empty spot in your heart is always there. And that never goes away.

My sister has been dead for almost 15 years now and I still miss talking to her.

I don't relish the idea that someday I will be the one calling my adult children to inform them that someone we love is gone. I think I'll be sorely tempted to grant them a few more moments of peace too.

Best Of The Alligator 2005

Another year has been sent to the trash heap of history.

2005 has been a ironic year for your humble Alligator, for even though the world suffered left and right with the Tsunami, Hurrican Katrina and the Earthquake in Pakistan (not to mention all the ongoing military conflicts) for yours truly, 2005 was a pretty good year. My relationship with my wife continues to amaze and sustain me, I have a good job, and my health is good. I really had nothing to complain about personally in 2005.

Which is why I suppose I did so much bitching about the world. As nominated by you, my long-suffering readers, here are my best entries for 2005.

02/04/05 Raising Kids and Religion

02/19/05 10 Things I've Done That You Haven't

03/08/05 Is the USA Really #1

03/17/05 Thou Shalt Not Kill

04/04/05 Above All Else, Life

05/31/05 Leaving Our Hearts In NYC

08/11/05 Is My Child Becoming Homosexual?

10/12/05 Freeze! Drop That Cock Ring!

10/17/05 My List Of Greatest Americans

11/07/05 Why Satan Loves American Girl And Girls, Inc.

12/14/05 Even The Least Of Them

I did 264 entries here in 2005, nearly an entry a day. Which isn't bad for something that is merely a fun diversion for me. Naturally, I'd like to write more and more often, but all in all I'm pleased with this blog as we approach it's second anniversary. As always, I love to hear from you so feel free to email me or leave comments.

May 2006 be a year of health and happiness for you and yours.

Happy Holidays

Between the holidays and your humble alligator being totally hammered by illness, new material here is going to be sparse for the next two weeks. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Healthy & Happy New Year.

Look for new stuff starting January 3rd.

In the mean time, go comb the archives for this year (The Nav bar on the bottom left) and vote for your favorite entries for 2005. I announce the winners when I get back.

You can also enjoy the Rockefeller Center Tree Cam here.

It's Not A Blacklist, It's a Shopping List

This post from R.J. Eskow on The Huffington Post amused me greatly. Very smart thinking.

Dobson's Choices: It's Not a Blacklist, It's a Buyer's Guide!

Dr. Dobson has performed a great public service by giving us a list of companies we should patronize in gratitude for their support of gay rights. Blacklist? Are you kidding?? This file (warning: pdf) is a shopping guide for progressives. Thanks, Doc. It's just in time for my Christmas shopping!

He even rates them for their "aggressiveness" (odd wording, eh?) in promoting gay causes. Rrowr!

Let's see -- we'll get some Nikes to go with the wife's membership at that new gym (Nike's "aggressive" -- ooh, that Phil Knight!) and a stylin' Levis jacket for my son.

I'll pick up something for my daughter at The Gap. Next time I visit my Mom back east I'll fly USAir, rent at Avis or Budget and stay at Days Inn or the Ramada. (Or if I'm feeling luxurious, at a Starwood.) And, of course, I'll charge it to my American Express card.

Feeling hungry? You might get brave and have a meal at the local Chili's. Have some Frito-Lay chips on the side. Did it give you heartburn? Hell, just wash it down with a nice cold Budweiser. If you don't drink alcohol, have a Pepsi.

Family bored over the holidays? Take 'em to Sea World in your Toyota. Be sure to bring the kids' gay uncle, and treat everybody to some Ben & Jerry's on the way back. Did they wear you out on the trip? Stop at Starbuck's and have a double espresso.

Want to read up on religious bigotry in America? Order something at Amazon or Barnes & Noble, and buy some Gertrude Stein while you're at it. They're not quite as "aggressive" as some of the other companies, but we can encourage them.

Microsoft's right up there, too. Microsoft? Didn't they waver a little a few months ago? Besides, I'm a former software guy (from the antideluvian days -- got a giant HP3000 with 8 MB of RAM? I'm your guy) That means I tend to agree with the "Microsoft = Antichrist" crowd, because it's obvious how much better they could make their product. But if they're on Dr. Dobson's list, I should feel pretty good about my new PC.

If you hate Windows, though, Apple's on the list too.

Meanwhile, another fringe group is boycotting "American Girl" dolls for essentially the same reasons. Now, I shopped for dolls for my god-daughter last Christmas, and if there's one thing the Religious Right should support it's "American Girl" dolls. They're designed as a wholesome alternative to the popular lines of young girls' dolls currently out there.

They and we should be on the same side of this issue. When a nine-year-old girl says she wants one of the other dolls (like "Bratz") that depict girls as streetwalking skanks hustling their booty for male approval, it's -- to say the least -- disturbing. But these guys are fighting "American Girl," too.

How does that Tom Petty song go? "She was an American girl, raised on promises/She couldn't help thinkin' that there was a little more to life somewhere else ..."

As a business person, I know that diversity strengthens the work force and helps grow the economy. It's not just good ethics, it's good business. We should express our appreciation to the companies on this list. I've left a lot of them out, but then it's a very long list. I guess haters have a lot of time on their hands.

So, this holiday season, let's all thank Focus on the Family and James Dobson for making our shopping a little bit easier. And let's wish them a Merry Christmas. No, scratch that. Make it "Happy Holidays."

Thank you James Dobson for making me proud to bank at Wells Fargo. That's one of the best Christmas Gifts I've ever gotten.

Talking Sex with Mom

Anderson Cooper

I've been a fan of Anderson Cooper, of CNN, for a while now. I like his no-nonsense style of reporting news but also admire the humanity he brings to it. While old-school anchors brought a very unpassionate, "stiff upper-lip" thing to reporting, Anderson isn't afraid to let his feelings about a story show. I don't think anyone who watched his reporting on the aftermath of Katrina will forget it, especially his sparring match with Sen. Mary Landrieu.

While checking out other stories on CNN.com today I came across this gem. Not many of us have the perspective of growing up with a famous mom or having to read about her sex life.

Talking sex with Mom
By Anderson Cooper

Editor's note: Anderson Cooper anchors CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360°," which airs weeknights at 10 p.m. ET. He also is a regular contributor for Details Magazine. This article was published in the April 2005 issue.

I used to think there was nothing worse than imagining your own parents having sex. I was wrong.

You know what's worse? Learning your parents' sex life is more interesting than your own.

As a kid, sex was something I never really discussed with my parents.

Anderson Cooper's parents, Gloria Vanderbilt and Wyatt Cooper

WASPs generally don't talk about such things.

My mom never talked about sex with her mom, and she never brought it up with me.

My dad died when I was 10, and though I knew my mom dated guys, I never thought about what went on after I toddled off to bed.

Chaste and pure, not pawing and petting: That's the way we like to think of our folks.

During childhood it's easy to keep that illusion. Until we're teens we never consider what goes on behind mom's bedroom door, and once we do, we try never to think of it again.

But now my mom is 81, and all of a sudden she's started talking about sex.

Gloria Vanderbilt

I know, I know -- I should be mature, supportive of her sexual identity, and I am, intellectually, but there are some things I'd prefer to stay ignorant about.

No matter how much my cerebrum says "Okay," my gut still sort of shudders at the thought of her, you know, touching the monkey.

The really weird thing is, a few months ago my mom's sex life became an open book. Literally.

She decided to write a memoir discussing the men in her life. It turns out there have been rather a lot of them -- romances and hookups, big names and big drama.

She asked me to proofread an early draft, and if you think talking with your mom about sex is awkward, try reading about her romances, page after page, paragraph after paragraph.

The book is titled "It Seemed Important at the Time," and it's really well written -- sexy, funny, and smart.

If it had been written by anyone else, I wouldn't have blinked at the content. But it's not anyone else; it's my mom, and reading her description of her current boyfriend as the"Nijinsky of cunnilingus" was kind of shocking.

It's not really a visual image I wanted to have.

The truth is, I don't know much about dance history, but I'm guessing Nijinsky was creative, or at least very limber.

My mom is Gloria Vanderbilt, and she's been in the public eye since she was born.

She's always been extraordinarily beautiful, and even as a kid, I knew men found her irresistible, but I was always happily hazy on the details.

When I was about 8, I remember looking at a Richard Avedon book about beauty, and there was a striking photo of a young woman staring seductively into the camera.

It was my mother, though to me the woman had no relation to the person I knew.

That wasn't my mom.

I guess I always knew she had a history, as they used to say -- after all, she had been married four times.

I remember when I was a kid, we'd be watching an old movie and I'd ask her if she knew one of the actors in it. "Oh, yes," she'd say wistfully. She never went into specifics, but even then I knew that yes was packed with meaning.

In school, whenever I read a 20th-century-history textbook, I kind of assumed my mom had at least met many of the main characters: Marlon Brando (check), Frank Sinatra (check), Howard Hughes (check).

I just never really thought about how she knew them.

I now know Howard Hughes used to take my mom for night flights above L.A., just like in "The Aviator. " (Now, thanks to Scorsese, I can't stop imagining my mom with Leonardo DiCaprio.)

She also hooked up with Sinatra while she was still married to her second husband, a famous conductor; and as she lay in bed with a young Brando, she noticed he kept a framed 10-by-12 photo of himself nearby.

By the time she was 18, she'd had romances with some of the most well-known people in the world.

When I was 18, I was still watching late-night public-access TV and popping zits.

My mom has never been a typical mother. She's very cool, and way ahead of her time.

On report day at school, she'd show up dressed in a purple beaver-skin coat and matching stockings. Where she found a purple beaver I have no idea.

She's not the milk-and-cookies type. Growing up, the only snack food we had in the house was Carr's water biscuits. You know, the dry crackers people use for cheese? Yum.

I always knew she was different, but until I read her romance memoir, I never really saw her as a sexual being.

I was in a bookstore soon after the memoir was published, and two teenage boys were looking at the cover photograph taken of my mom in her early twenties.

"She's hot," one of them said. "Yeah, totally," the other responded.

I nearly slapped the book out of their sweaty little hands.

Why does the thought of our parents having sex bother us so much, even as adults?

I suppose a Freudian would say we never get over the Oedipal idea that our mothers shouldn't have feelings for anyone else. Or perhaps it's because in our age-obsessed culture, sex is always viewed as a youthful act.

If our folks are doing it, they're stealing the one thing we have over them.

I think the reality is much simpler: We don't want to think about our parents as real people, with needs and desires, fetishes and faults.

But that, of course, is exactly what they are.

The book got great reviews and a wonderful response.

It's taken me a while to adjust, but I think I've finally gotten used to the notion of my mom as a hottie.

When I suggested she take the whole cunnilingus thing out of the book, she just laughed and told me I should have a sense of humor about it.

She's right, of course, and that's the most embarrassing thing of all. I'm 37 and my mom is still able to teach me something about sex.

I think a lot of us struggle with the idea of our parents and sex. I think as soon as we really learn and understand what sex is, our first thought is "Really?" followed swiftly by "My Mom and Dad did that? Eeewwww!".

This seems like that feeling but on steroids.

Now I'm a liberated, 21st century kind of guy. At 36, I'm cool with the idea that my folks had sex, continue to have sex, enjoy sex. I'm happy for them. I feel very mature with this idea.

But I still don't want to know any details.

Some things should remain mysteries and the details of your parent's sex lives should be on top of that list.